what the hell is this? start here
i've been thinking a lot about social media, the amount of time i spend on screens and the impact that it's had on my mental health. i've had a complicated relationship with the digital world since the moment i touched my first computer in the late 90s, but things have definitely gotten worse for me since the recent election results came in. add my adhd on top of that, and it's been difficult to manage the need to pick up my phone while watching tv, waiting for an egg to cook, literally while doing anything at all. my need to fill every conceivable moment of time with doing SOMETHING. it's just not a good way to exist, i think.
but going back to it being complicated. i think a lot of us can say that our jobs have us spending a lot of time in front of screens and that's the same for me. i currently work in IT doing help desk work. computers are my whole job. and my career before that, as a video editor for 10+ years, well... you know. i can't really edit without a computer. anyway, the point is, that's a lot of time spent staring at millions of tiny pixels. then you get off work and you go from bad screen to "good screen" aka your phone (or personal pc, tv, whatever) for fun. when is there time to touch some grass? for me it's extra complicated because one of my most consistent hobbies has been video games, which has brought me joy over the many years i've been alive. i also love films and tv. more screen time! i go back and forth feeling guilty about the amount of time i spend staring at a rectangle, but i think i can safely say that those latter activities are not as harmful.
the problem is the addiction between me and my phone. i'm trying to break that. i started this blog because i want to share what i've been up to and the things i find cool into the void, and if someone reads it, cool. i hope to sever the need to constantly be checking on social media apps that are designed to fuck with my head and trap me for hours, endlessly scrolling. for me this is a more productive and creative use of my time even if i'm still writing this in front of a screen.
as for the title of my blog, it's called that because, like i mentioned, i have adhd so let's see how long this lasts.